Tuesday, March 26, 2013

I Forgot The Good Part

What is up with me forgetting the good parts of my stories lately?

I even forgot the good part that happened today. What the heck, me?


I love my doctor. We all know this. What you might not know is why.

After the boy was born via c-section (after twenty hours of labor, thank you very much), I had some trouble healing. The incision site wouldn't close. So, I went to the doctor a lot. Just about every day for the first few weeks, then a few times a week, and then gradually scaling back to about twice a month. When the wound finally closed, the boy was six months old.

By the time the boy turned seven months old, I was pregnant again.

For over two solid years, I was a regular at this doctor's office. And, radiant joy that I am, it was only natural that I became his (self-appointed) favorite patient.

In pre-op, the good doctor came in to talk to me before surgery. He reviewed what he was going to do and asked if I had any questions.

I'll spare you the finer points, but one of today's procedures involved looking at my uterus with a wee camera (a hysteroscopy). So, when the doctor asked if I had any questions, I said, "Now, if you get in there and you see an image of the Virgin Mary in my uterus, you have to take a picture."

The nurse in there was trying very hard to be professional, but I could tell she's not used to people as "creatively maladjusted" as myself. She's also not used to this doctor playing around. The reason I know this is because, after the doctor left, she said, "I can not believe that just happened." But then, I am his favorite. And anyway, she should be used to my shenanigans by now.

So, I was all, "Take a picture if there are any miracles in my uterus," and the doctor said, "Sure, of course."

"And then, we can sell the picture to the National Enquirer. People will come from all over to visit my uterus. We could charge admission."

"Absolutely. That's a solid business plan."

And I said, "I wonder why no one has thought of charging admission to a uterus before," but then I realized that people have thought of charging admission to uteri before and that's called prostitution.

That's when I decided that I should probably stick with the bakery as a business plan and that's also when the nurse decided it would be a good time to start my sedation.


  1. And this is why I love me some Mandi-licious!

  2. "I wonder why no one has thought of charging admission to a uterus before," - I'm gonna have to find a way to use that quote ...