Monday, May 14, 2012

He said I should write it down

I had these conversations with my husband today. He thinks they're worthy of blogging. I don't see the weird. 

Me: "Don't say no. I found a deal. "
Him: "O...K? "
Me: "We can get two adjoining cemetery plots for a thousand dollars. Let's buy them now. "
Him: "... "
Me: "A thousand dollars! For both! I mean, that's just the real estate. They charge like five hundred every time you open them up, but a thousand dollars is a good deal. We should get them. "
Him: "You've been shopping... for cemetery plots?"
Me: "Yes, because I was looking at the funeral home website and I saw their pre-planning section but it wasn't working."
Him: "I see."
Me: "Give me a thousand dollars. And, I want a pink headstone that says, Ow! Ow! Ow! Get off!' and has the deathly hallows symbol."
Him: "You've thought this through."
Me: "But we have to buy it now because if I die tomorrow, there's no way my mom will let you get what I want."
Him: "Uh huh."
Me: "And we need to plan yours too because when you die, I'm going to be really mad at you and you'll be lucky to get a Hefty bag."
Him: "You should write this in your blog."


Me (bringing laptop into our room to show him): "Look. This is a good deal."
Him: "You're shopping for headstones?"
Me: "You can design them online! I want this one. It's eight hundred cheaper than the other site."
Him: "This is what you're doing in the living room?"


Me: "This one is even better! Just enough pink in the granite to be classy."
Him: "You're still doing this? Oh, look. All lowercase letters and everything."
Me: "I should go ahead and buy this now. It's a good price and it's exactly what I want."
Him: "It says you died on Halloween, 2003. What was it? Razor blade candy?"
Me: "That's the genius. I get to be 26 forever. This is exactly what I want. No changes. I'm going to buy it now. We can keep it in the living room."
Him: "You died a year before we got married."
Me: "So my name is wrong. Huh. OK, I can be 27 forever, but that's my last concession."
Him: "Great."


Me: "Look! For only three hundred more, this one has a permanent vase so you have to bring me flowers forever!"
Him: "Great. You should write this down."

I can only assume that my husband wants me to blog this so that he can remember my wishes for when I bite it. He should know me well enough by now, though, to know that I'll have this thing settled before I turn 28.

It may also be possible that he wants me to blog this so that he can show his friends how awesome his wife is. That way, nobody will question why my pink headstone bears the title "Benevolent Despot and Superhero".


  1. I want one that says "Her Boobs Were Nearly As Big As Mandi's, But Her Balls Were Nowhere Near That Size."

  2. Oh, didn't I tell you? I already market that phrase on a line of t-shirts on zazzle.

  3. This is still hilarious...and a tad bit disturbing.