For Cody:

The hospital called three times today. The scheduling and medical history calls were quick and easy. I prefer to think that the scheduling nurse was that... efficient... because she's just good at her job. I have a sneaking suspicion, though, that she had been warned to talk quickly and not let me answer. And good for her! It worked out well. This time. But you can't hang up on me when I'm there tomorrow, sweetheart!

Unfortunately for the financial department, they didn't get the brevity memo. Bless her heart. I tried to be good. But then we got to this part:

Her: "And if anyone calls or visits, is it ok to let them know that you are here?"

Me: "Sure... But only if they have presents."

Her: "Ex-... excuse me?"

Me: "Only let them know I'm there if they have presents."

Her: "Ha ha ha."

Me: "No, I'm serious. Can you, like, search people before they can come visit? Maybe pat them down, make sure they have a gift?"

Her: "..."

Me: "Just make sure you're thorough with the pat-down. They might have a gift card."

Her: "Ummm... ok?"

Let that be a warning to you! I'll probably be unconscious until around 11 tomorrow night. But if anybody wants to come visit after that, you might want to make sure your get-well gift is highly visible. I hear the hospital bouncers are "handsy".