Potent Quotables

This post is purely selfish.

A collection of quotes from my kids that I stuck on Facebook that I want to remember:

Nathan holds the door for random kids entering play area and says, "I'm 5. I'm awesome. Come on!"


Emi: "Nathan! I turned on Alice in Wonderland so you can see the Queen's underpants!"

"Daddy, guess what? I burped like Mr. Keith!" ~Emi 

Me: "Did you know that, four years ago, you were in my tummy?"
Emi: "I made you a gold ladder."

Emi: "My ear hurts."
Me: "Why does your ear hurt?"
Emi: "Because I need to stick my finger in it."
Me"..."
Emi: "That's better."

Ms. Regina gave the babies little bags of candy and stuff at Build and Grow this morning. It included a safety card. Nathan used the pictures to read the card to us in the car. He did pretty well with it- don't put your hand in a blender, don't touch fire... then he read the picture on the back: "Don't let a giraffe get your phone because it could drop on your head and break your phone."

Me: "Nathan, you're amazing."
Nathan: "Yes I am."
Me: "Are you humble?"
Nathan: "Humble? No, you silly."

‎"Everybody looooooooves me because I don't show my business." ~Nathan 

"Aaahh! I do NOT want a fresh one!" ~Em

Me: "What does that say?"
Emi: "Emi."
Me: "What are you doing with that marker? I worked hard to paint your name on that."
Emi: "I'm just putting the L and the Y. I'll put the Y first."

Nathan: "I have a neck pickle."
Me: "What does that mean?"
Nathan: "Neck. Pickle. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

‎"I set my tummy to private. No more tickles." ~Nathan

Emi: "The monkey king is holding Stitch!"
Me: "OK, first of all, that's a baboon, not a monkey. If you're going to be my kid, you need to know the difference."
Emi: "Baboon is holding Stitch!"
Me: "His name is Rafiki. Rafiki is Swahili for 'friend'."
Emi: <withering glance> "And Stitch!!!!"

"I'm not pretending. I'm really asleep." -Emi 

Emi: "Where's daddy going?"
Me: "Daddy's going to work in _his_ car."
Emi: "There's no work in daddy's car!"

Emi: "S-I-N-G"
me: "What does that spell?"
Emi: "Bananas!"

Doss: "So is Mr. Keith your hero now?"
Emi: "No, he's still a police man."

Nathan: "I'm drawing a naughty picture."
Me: "You're drawing a naughty picture?"
Nathan: "It's for Scar because he's being ugly." Ohhhh. "It says, 'You need to go to time out.'

‎"Is that real like a pickle?" ~Nathan 

<talking about chili>
Doss: This is what I'll make you when you come home from college.
Emi: No, daycare.

<during a discussion on Easter eggs>
Me: Sometimes they have MMs inside them.
Emi: Sometimes I have MMs inside me!"

Out of nowhere, Nathan got right in Doss's face and pointed to him. My baby said sternly, "THIS... is a finger."
I'm so proud. I think that was his first joke.

‎"Hug me a lot more time." ~E

Me: "I'm going to take a bath."
Nathan: "Are you gonna melt?"
...

‎"Ding dong, rub your eyes, get out of here." ~Nathan sings the Lizard de Boz

‎"We're out of town. We need to go get some more." ~Nathan

‎"My purple lickstick is falling off by itself. I'll put on some more." ~Emi with her new grape chapstick.

Nathan: "I didn't get any time outs today!"
Me: "Yay, Nathan! Good job!"
Nathan: "Mommy, here's a circle money for saying, 'Yay".
My little behaviorist. I'm so proud.

‎"Emi, what do you want for Christmas?"
"Ummm... hot dogs."

‎"MommyDaddy, it's portend lightning storming!" "Yes, it's betend storming." ~Nathan and Emi

‎"Momma, put up my neighborhood." ~Emi asking me to put the hood of her shirt on her head

‎"Emi, say War Cam Eagle." "Roarcat Eagle!"

‎"Roar Eagle!" ~Emi

‎"I need more diamonds*!!!" ~Emi 
*note, she meant dimes

‎"I'm a princess! Cock-a-doodle-doooo!" ~Emi

My kids call dimes "diamonds." And that the boy calls septagons "sexygons". Best speech delay ever.

So Emi always says, "Where's Papa going?" and I say, "To the fair," and she says, "To win a prize?" and I say, "Yes." Today, I beat her to it: "Emi, where's Papa going?" "To the prize store."

So I said, "Doss, Emi wants a biscotti," and she got furious.
"NO! I want a cookie!"

2 toddlers mesmerized by the Grinch... Emi is cheering for him...

woke up this morning to a little voice in the bed next to me saying, "My tummy's falling off." What does that mean?

‎"What's the magic word? Porndogs!" ~Nathan (who has some trouble with the /k/ sound)‎...and again, at CityFest, they had roasted corn on the cob. So the boy runs around saying, "Corn! Corn! Corn!" But, you know how he substitutes /p/ for the /k/ sound? Yeah.

‎"Mommy, fix my hair" <hands me a toy drill> ~Emi

"Oh, I got salt on me. I bet I'm delicious."- Nathan

‎"I having a naughty... I need grits." ~Emi 

‎"I pwecious. And brudder pwecious." ~Emi

‎"That's not Hermione. It's MY my-nee." ~Emi

‎"You can bite me." ~Emi (this was a legit offer, not an insult)